The Rush is on!

The topic will be SPACE!

Is Pluto a planet or not? Will rogue black holes kill us all? Is it worth our time to explore it?

Etc. Etc.

Hey!


















HEY!















HEY!!!

















*Gelf Bunny spaces out

This should be right in your wheelhouse, Mr. Ogre.

I know, right?





so.....

























Space... is....... really really big.













No, it is!








I'm not making this up. It's friggin' big.

You dont believe me?

See, the thing about space is... it's everything, right? Like the whole enchilada. Dig it, there's Matter, and then between the matter is this funky stuff called Dark matter, and that's all there is, right? Except there're these energy bits, and that's like all quantum and shit.

And when you add all that up, it's still not enough stuff, so we know there's more stuff, but we dont know what the hell that's all about, so we're all like WHATEVER, and then space is like talk to the hand, and we're like, you dont even have a freaking hand! And then space laughs with a laugh that chills your very soul, and then you like freak out and start gibbering and pounding your head against the wall, and then Space says simmer down, buckaroo, and you calm right down because, y'know, Buckeroo is all comforting and shit.

In space, no one can hear you blather.

Sooooo, is it possible that there could be a planet where life evolved from machines?

I'm going to have to carry this whole thing, huh? What? Bionic woman doesn't even start until 9!!


OK, fine. I can tell you all about the dawn of the space age, which basically happened 50 years ago this month. Everyone was busy flying farther and faster and building missiles that would go all across the world ago blow everyone up n shit, right? So then the Russians (they used to be really cool in a totalitarian bad guy sort of way) built a rocket, and (because their Nazis were totally smarter than ours) managed to launch the first ever artificial satelite and it flew over the entire planet and beeped at us (Picture PONG, but like totally scary) so everyone freaked out and started building space crap like crazy! And now... theres a lot of junk floating around in space.


But space is really big, so it's OK.

No. Shut up.

Once, the Russians launched a Dog up in space. People called it Muttnik.


There were lots of jokes about "Dog Stars"


I think it's really sad, cause... well... the dog didn't make it.




Woof.

You know what's cool? I've met a lot of people who've actually BEEN in space... and most of them are dorks.


really.



























S..P..A..C..E..D..O..R..K..S!!














Yup.

Do they all want to be the next Captain Kirk?

Do they all wanna drive cross country and kill their ex-lovers?

At the international Space station, they mostly just wear socks, cause shoes are a drag. And people get kicked a lot.

I'd be all like, fug it. Gimme some steel toed Doc Martins.

Well, I'm pretty sure some of them wanted to be Uhura

Yes.



But really, who doesn't?

The Grateful Dead's drum solos are called "Space"

Whoa.

Isn't that a guitar?


Oh and hey everyone. I just woke up. Sorry I'm late.

Are you just waiting for me to run out of bullshit? Cause I'm FULL OF IT! Yeah!

*KilljoyBob shoots Twinky out through the airlock.

Did you just wake up because you spent all night EXPLORING THE INFINITE REACHES OF SPACE!?!!?!?

No. Doc Martins? Shit-stomping boots man. Steel toed lethal weapons at the end of your pegs. Death dealing Toe covers!

Booooooooots!

Not really. I don't do acid.

Yes you do.

*KilljoyBob pours acid over Twinky's head and watches it melt away.

I prefer black tar heroin.

And Fruit Loops.

Owwie. Now I'm losing all my cream filling!

Black tar heroin and Fruit Loops?

I hope you never open a bed and breakfast.

I think I've just found my calling. Thanks Slov!

I like black tar heroin on my Fruit Loops. It's the breakfast of champions.

I like chicken fried Psilocybin mushrooms and cheese puffs.


And SPAAAAAACE!

Piiiiiiiigs in Spaaaaace?

On a completely unrealted note, my son now wants to be Green Lantern for Halloween.

Yep, pretty cool, right?

Only issue... he's insisting on being John Stewart rather than Hal or Kyle. And yes, my son is white.

Get him a two piece business suit, a news desk, and paint it all green.

Hey, we've got a Martian now! Perfect for space talk. Tell us where you come from Mr. Martian.

My son wants to be Venom. Or a caterpillar. He can't decide.

Venompillar?

My son wants... not to have been aborted 16 years ago. HA HA!!

...

I say let him dress up like John Stewart. Most people you visit, you'll be lucky if they even recognize that he's Green Lantern, let alone which one he is. The important thing is that he'll know.

No, that's the combination of a venereal disease and an ompillar.

Probably a good call.

What? Don't play coy with us. Where is your home planet Mr. Martian?!

I bet it's not even a planet! I bet he's from one of Jupiter's moons! Like Mercury! Am I right? I am, aren't I?

No, the important thing is that the kid doesn't learn about how people react to black-face the hard way.

...

Yep, that's it. Jupiter's moon, Mercury.


:: scratches "NASA" off his list of possible ways to get back home ::

2037, baby! Mike Griffin said so, and he NEVER lies!

Well, I wasn't implying that he go that far to look like John Stewart. Just make sure the costume is John's, no mask, that sort of thing.