Captain Asspounder

The owner and proprietor of Captain Asspounder's Vibrating Dildos, he is not, as it was first assumed, Captain Family Values. He is, in fact, a nice elderly man named Earl Jenkins who got into the sex toy industry due to an accounting error (he thought he was investing in a tire factory). His only appearance in the Halls was at the 2005 McCrea Awards Ceremony to accept the award for Best Halls Store.