Quest for the Rock of Shining Intellect

From HallsWiki

When Slovman and Chaomancer Omega noticed that the powerful Rock of Shining Intellect had gone missing from the Halls Reliquary, a party was immediately formed to find and retrieve the artifact. But there was a slight problem: no one had the slightest clue as to where to look first. Somewhat inexplicably, Deckard Cain of Diablo II fame appeared and gave the Hallsians their first lead. He instructed them to go to the Cave of Nistrom and slay Xexifee, king of the kobolds. He claimed that Xexifee's blood, in conjunction with a Horadric Cube would create a Rune of Finding, allowing the location of the Rock of Shining Intellect to be revealed.

The Hallsians eagerly set off on this quest, encountering and defeating many enemies before even reaching the Cave of Nistrom. Once inside, the rat-like kobolds attacked in wave after wave. They were hardly a challenge especially compared to other foes of the Halls, but their sheer numbers presented a problem. In an effort to avoid days of non-stop slaughter and get to Xexifee as quickly as possible, Slovman suggested that they skin the slain kobolds and disguise themselves in the pelts. Thus cloaked, the party was able to move uncontested right up to the king.

When Xexifee learned of our intentions to kill him on the instructions of Deckard Cain, the king claimed to have killed Cain years ago, and even produced the Horadric Cube as proof. Unwilling to completely trust a giant rat, the Hallsians slaughtered Xexifee anyway, took the Horadric Cube, and a vodka bottle full of blood. Faced with the possibility that their guide might be an imposter, the party quickly returned to his last known whereabouts, only to find...George Lucas.

Lucas wanted to take the Rock of Shining Intellect for his own evil purposes, but had no better idea than the Hallsians where to look. His claims that Xexifee's blood would help create the Rune of Finding were indeed true. Withdrawing to his Imperial shuttle to create the Rune, Lucas explained that he had a Death Star parked in orbit, and was prepared to blow the Halls to smithereens unless the party eventually found the Rock of Shining Intellect.

Battle for the Planet

Slovman had other ideas, though. Once Lucas was out of earshot, Slovman had the entire party beamed aboard the Battlestar Imbalance which Quinnbot had cloaked as soon as the Death Star appeared on sensors. KilljoyBob was quickly promoted to Executive Officer or XO, and oogie56 was promoted to Commander, Air Group or CAG. With the administration sorted out, the Vipers were launched, the Norris Cannon powered up and the battle was joined.

Lucas immediately realized he'd been outmaneuvered and sent his Imperial shuttle back up to the Death Star. Hallsians immediately opened fire on the vessel, and aaronc3477 ripped it open like a sardine can. But of course, Lucas wasn't aboard and had only used it as a diversion to bring his fleet of Star Destroyers into range. Now completely outnumbered, the crew of the Imbalance turned to the Horadric Cube for any kind of advantage. Quinnbot was initially unable to analyze the artifact, but Slovman was able to easily open the Cube thanks to his innumerable hours playing Diablo II. Inside, miraculously, was the Rock of Shining Intellect.

Slovman quickly cracked the Rock against the heads of Zebra-12 and KilljoyBob, who devised strategies to wipe out the Star Destroyers. But in doing so, they blew out the power conduits to the Norris Cannon. With radiation flooding into the power distribution chamber, TheRidge was the only one able to effect repairs. He did so after some difficulty and discovering the skeleton of Andron. With the Norris Cannon finally recharged, the Imbalance opened fire on the Death Star and obliterated it.

With victory secure, the Imbalance docked at the Satellite of Love for repairs, and the Rock of Shining Intellect, along with the Horadric Cube, were placed in the Halls Reliquary. Everyone who played a role in retrieving the artifacts received the Rocked Badge.

Only one loose end remained: When Lucas sent his shuttle up as a decoy, he effectively stranded himself on Halls Isle.