The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny

From HallsWiki

A song by Lemon Demon, The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny features many pop-culture heroes and villains battling it out to determine who is the most powerful of them all. The song was #1 for several weeks on the Dr. Demento Show, and when it was introduced to Slovman, he immediately decided to play it on KHUH Radio for the Halls second anniversary.

The song would later inspire the Fantasy Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny; in fact, every character in the song was represented in the list of possible draftees in the league.

Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny was one of the nominees for Best Halls Song in 2006, but was beaten by Tribute. It was also a nominee in the Battle of the Comedy & Novelty Songs, where it beat the venerable Albuquerque in the second round, and it was the eventual winner of the Battle.

The song may be downloaded for free at Lemon Demon's website and is on his "Dinosaurchestra" album.

Lyrics

Old Godzilla was hopping around
Tokyo City like a big playground
When suddenly Batman burst from the shade
And hit Godzilla with a Batgrenade
Godzilla got pissed and began to attack
But didn't expect to be blocked by Shaq
Who proceeded to open up a can of Shaq Fu
When Aaron Carter came out of the blue

And he started beating up Shaquille O'Neal
Then they both got flattened by the Batmobile
But before it could make it back to the Batcave
Abraham Lincoln popped out of his grave
And took an AK47 out from under his hat
And blew Batman away with a rat-a-tat-tat
But he ran out of bullets and he ran away
Because Optimus Prime came to save the day

This is the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny
Good guys, bad guys, and explosions as far as the eye can see
And only one will survive, I wonder who it will be
This is the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny

Godzilla took a bite out of Optimus Prime
Like Scruff McGruff took a bite out of crime
And then Shaq came back covered in a tire track
But Jackie Chan jumped out and landed on his back
And Batman was injured, and trying to get steady
When Abraham Lincoln came back with a machete
But suddenly something caught his leg and he tripped
Indiana Jones took him out with his whip

Then he saw Godzilla sneaking up from behind
And he reached for his gun which he just couldn't find
'Cause Batman stole it and he shot and he missed
And Jackie Chan deflected it with his fist
Then he jumped in the air and did a summersault
While Abraham Lincoln tried to pole vault
Onto Optimus Prime, but they collided in the air
Then they both got hit by a Care Bear Stare, oooh

This is the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny
Good guys, bad guys, and explosions as far as the eye can see
And only one will survive, I wonder who it will be
This is the Ultimate Showdown...

Angels sang out in immaculate chorus
Down from the heavens descended Chuck Norris
Who delivered a kick which could shatter bones
Into the crotch of Indiana Jones
Who fell over on the ground, writhing in pain
As Batman changed back into Bruce Wayne
But Chuck saw through his clever disguise
And he crushed Batman's head in between his thighs

Then Gandalf the Gray and Gandalf the White and
"Monty Python and the Holy Grail"'s Black Knight and
Benito Mussolini and The Blue Meanie and
Cowboy Curtis and Jambi the Genie
Robocop, the Terminator, Captain Kirk, and Darth Vader
Lo Pan, Superman, every single Power Ranger
Bill S. Preston and Theodore Logan,
Spock, The Rock, Doc Ock, and Hulk Hogan
All came out of nowhere lightning fast
And they kicked Chuck Norris in his cowboy ass
It was the bloodiest battle the world ever saw
With civilians looking on total awe

And the fight raged on for a century
Many lives were claimed, but eventually
The champion stood, the rest saw their better:
Mr. Rogers in a bloodstained sweater

This is the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny
Good guys, bad guys, and explosions as far as the eye can see
And only one will survive, I wonder who it will be
This is the Ultimate Showdown...
This is the Ultimate Showdown...
This is the Ultimate Showdown...
Of Ultimate Destiny